Sarah and Kevin 40

Her face crumpled and she started crying. Hard. So hard that as she tried to leave the room, she stumbled into the door jamb.

"Shit," she said between sobs and grabbed her shoulder.

"Sarah, wait," Kevin said and ran to catch her before she went upstairs. She was fumbling with the key when he got there. He grabbed both of her shoulders to stop her.

"Please. Don't go yet. I need to talk to you." he said to the back of her head.

"Not now," she gasped between sobs. She unlocked the door and handed him the key. "After practice." She was crying hysterically. She opened the door, stepped up and closed it behind her.

He stared at the door and listened to her lock it. He heard her footsteps and sobs retreating. Looking down at the key in his hand, he took a deep breath. He stuffed the key in his pocket and went down to the basement.

"What the hell was that all about?" Peter asked with a smile.

"Nothing." Kevin snapped.

"It didn't sound like nothing," Peter snickered. "It sounded like she told you where to get off."

Kevin shot him a dirty look.

"Tansara, shut up." Scott said. "Let's just play, huh?"

***

It was about midnight when they finished practicing. Kevin unplugged his bass, put it on the stand and took the basement stairs two at a time. He didn't want Peter seeing him going into Sarah's room.

He quickly unlocked the door, stepped in and closed and locked it behind him. He looked up the stairs. Wondering what the hell he was going to say when he got there, he slowly walked up them.

At the top of the stairs there was a landing with a small window overlooking the back yard. To the left there were two more stairs, left again and there was a short corridor. Heart pounding, he walked down the hallway.

Sarah was seated at a desk with her back to him. She spun around in her chair. She raised her chin and stood up. Her hair was loose. She was wearing a short, flannel robe and he noticed her red painted toenails as she walked past him. She sat down on one of the love seats and drew her feet under her.

"Have a seat," she said and gestured to the empty space next to her and the other love seat and chair.

Sarah and Kevin 39

After practice that night, Kevin took out his mother's engagement ring and laid down on the bed to look at it. Sarah. Why are you falling for Peter? He raped you for Christ's sake. I care about you so much. But I'm not gonna get in your way. If Peter is what you want, then you should have him. You deserve whatever you want.

If I offered you this ring, what would you do? Laugh at me? Throw it back in my face? Or would you take it and marry me after all? Damn. Why are you doing this?


May

Finally, Monday night they did not have a gig. All through dinner, Kevin fought with himself. Should I help with the dishes or not?

After dinner, Peter looked like he was going to linger. Kevin pressed his lips together and was preparing to go downstairs when Scott said, "Hey Peter. Come down so we can work on the phrasing in that new song."

"OK" and Peter headed downstairs. Scott turned and looked at Kevin. He nodded in Sarah's direction as if to tell Kevin to talk to her. Kevin waved weakly at him. Scott raised his eyebrows and walked downstairs after Peter.

Kevin went to the drawer and pulled out a dish towel and tucked it into his pocket. Then he helped her clear the table. They worked together in silence. She was filling the sink when she covered her mouth to hide a huge yawn.

Kevin reached out and took her chin, turning her face toward him. She looked into his eyes briefly and then lowered them. Her eyes were bloodshot and there were dark circles beneath them which showed even darker against her paler than usual skin.

"You're not sleeping, are you?" he asked roughly.

She looked up into his eyes again. She jerked her chin out of his hand.

"No. I'm not. Nice of you to notice," she snapped.

"Why not?"

She turned toward him, arms akimbo. "Gee, I don't know. I had a traumatic experience in March. Mark is not talking to me. Peter wasn't talking to me and now you're not talking to me. I'm on a bit of an emotional roller coaster these days. Why do you care anyway? I'm still taking care of you guys fine."

"Some of us better than others." Kevin snarled.

"Oh, get over it. You act like you walked in on us having sex."

"How much different is it?"

"It's a lot different! He didn't even kiss me on the mouth."

"He was going to."

"But he didn't."

"Your sink is gonna overflow."

Sarah turned off the faucet. She drained a little of the water and began washing the dishes.
They didn't speak while they finished the dishes. Kevin felt his blood boiling hotter with each dish he dried. When they were done, he leaned against the sink and crossed his arms.

"Why don't you ask Peter for help with your insomnia? I'll bet he'd find something for you to do while you're lying awake in bed." he sneered.

She stared at him open mouthed for a moment. When she blinked, a tear rolled down her cheek.

"Why don't you go to hell?" she yelled.

"Because I'm already there!" he yelled back.

Sarah and Kevin 38

Thursday night, Sarah finished the dishes and started drying them.

"Peter," she called. "I'm done with the dishes."

She heard Peter's footsteps coming up the stairs. He came up next to her and put his arm around her shoulder. He kissed her temple.

"Are you showering before we go?" she asked.

Peter released her. "Yeah", he said and went into the bathroom. She waited until she heard the door close before she resumed drying the dishes.

She finished and sat at the table, waiting for Peter to come out. She put her elbows on the table and held her head in her hands. There was a sick feeling in her stomach and she could feel the tears stinging behind her eyes. Why did I ever let him kiss me?

There were footsteps on the stairs again. Sarah took a deep breath and looked up to see Kevin emerge from the basement. Their eyes met for a moment. Kevin looked like he was going to say something, but he didn't and walked out of the kitchen.

Sarah gritted her teeth so she would not cry and put her head in her hands again. She heard Kevin rummaging around in his room. When he walked into the kitchen again, she didn't bother to lift her head. She heard him stop for a moment before continuing down to the basement.
She heard the bathroom door open, so she sighed and got up from the table. Peter walked into the kitchen.

"Ready?" he asked.

She nodded and they left.

As they drove to the meeting, Peter sang. For the next fifteen minutes, Sarah immersed herself in Peter's voice and tried to forget the conflict roiling within her.

"You have a beautiful voice, Peter." Sarah sighed as they pulled into the parking space behind the church. He smiled and leaned over. He kissed her on the cheek before she could protest. He hopped out of the truck and walked into the church.

Sarah laid down on the seat and stared up at the ceiling of the truck. What am I going to do? If I give in and sleep with Peter, I will lose Kevin forever. But when Peter touches me, it feels so good. Of course, when Kevin touches me it feels even better. And what if Kevin hates me and I turn Peter away? Then I've lost both of them.

Peter doesn't love me. He just wants to have sex with me. Before Peter attacked me, I thought Kevin felt the same way about me as I felt about him. I'm afraid that he thinks Peter really did rape me and that I'm tainted goods. Why would he want me after Peter has already had me?
Yeah, I'll definitely lose Kevin if I sleep with Peter. The question is, have I lost him already?

Sarah woke up to the feeling of warm lips pressing against hers. She gasped and her eyes flew open. Peter smiled down at her.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," Sarah answered and struggled to sit up. "Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep."

Peter slid into the seat next to her. "That's OK. I got to kiss you without you trying to stop me for a change." He reached out and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear before closing the door and surrounding them in darkness. Sarah sighed and started the engine. Peter hummed and caressed her shoulder the entire way home.

Fifteen minutes later, they were in the semi-dark kitchen. The moon shown through the window over the sink.

"Thanks for driving me," Peter said.

"Sure. I'll see you tomorrow." she said and started to leave the kitchen

Peter took her arm. Sarah stopped and felt her heart fluttering wildly in her chest. He pulled her gently toward him and put his arms around her. She put her hands on his chest.

"Sarah." Peter whispered. She looked up at him. The lust in his eyes made her knees feel weak. He bent down and kissed her lips. Sarah relaxed and returned the kiss. Peter kissed her cheek and then her neck, sending goosebumps running down her arms. He reached up and pulled the clip from her hair. He tossed the clip into the corner of the kitchen and gathered her hair into his hand so he could kiss the other side of her neck.

"I could make you feel so good if you'd let me," he murmured into her ear.

She sighed. "I know." she whispered.

"Please," he said, holding her tightly.

"Hey! Tansara! Are you coming down to practice or what?" Kevin's voice rocketed up from the basement.

Hearing Kevin's voice, angry though it was, made her heart sing.

"I can't, I'm sorry." She looked up at him.

"Why?"

"Tansara!"

Sarah looked toward the stairwell. Why couldn't Kevin be holding her? Angry footfalls on the steps frightened her. She broke away from Peter and ran for the stairs to the attic.

Sarah and Kevin 37

Peter took a deep breath. "I need to talk to you"

"OK." She moved so the moonlight shown on his face. He turned to look at her.

"I'm sorry. For everything. What I did and how I've been treating you. I know you're just trying to help me." Peter's voice cracked and tears rolled down his cheeks.

"Oh, don't cry," she said and reached up to wipe the tears away.

"I'm gonna work on this," he said.

"I'm so glad. It would be a shame for you to drown your voice before the world gets to hear it."

Peter pulled hands from his pockets. Gently, he took her face in his hands.

"I can't believe I did this to you." He leaned down and kissed her bruised cheeks and her eyebrow above her black eye. He was going to kiss her lips, but she placed her hand on his chest.

"Stop, please." she said quickly. Her heart was pounding and she didn't know if it was from excitement or fear. She reminded herself that he hadn't treated her so sweetly before.

"OK," he said, quietly and took a step backward. They walked into the house in silence.

When they entered the kitchen, the sound of a chair scraping against the tile made Sarah jump.

Kevin stood in front of Peter.

"Ya know, I just realized that you won, man." Kevin's voice was snotty.

"Won what?" Peter asked sharply.

"The competition, remember?"

"What competition?" Sarah asked.

"He bet me he'd be the first to have you on your back, screaming his name. And he did.
Technically, anyway." he sneered. He turned to Peter. "Congratulations."

Sarah felt her heart sink. "Kevin, what's wrong with you?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to give credit where it's due."

"Whatever. He's just pissed because he saw me kiss you." Peter said. She could practically hear him roll his eyes.

"But it wasn't...I didn't...ugh, Kevin..." she pleaded.

"You coming to practice?" Kevin ignored her and spoke to Peter.

"Yeah," Peter said and walked own the stairs.

"Kevin?"

He turned to look at her and then turned to walk downstairs without another word.

Sarah and Kevin 36

Kevin did not get a chance to do dishes with Sarah again until Monday night.

"He just really hates me, doesn't he?" Sarah asked Kevin after Peter went to the basement.

Kevin shrugged. "His ego is just bruised. He'll get over it."

"At least he's still singing," she said as a haunting wail floated up from the basement.

"He sings better when he's emotional about something." he said. "Your bruises look better."

"Pineapple juice and warm compresses twice a day. In a couple weeks you won't even know they were there," she smiled at him.

He smiled back. The dishes were done. He leaned over and kissed her cheek softly. He wanted to kiss her lips, but he held himself back. He went down to the basement.

Peter gave him a black look when he walked into their practice area.

"What's your problem?" Kevin asked.

"Why do you even bother?"

Kevin looked at him for a moment. This sounded remotely like the conversation they had before Peter attacked Sarah. Kevin sighed.

"You know what we were talking about? You. She's worried about you. And she thinks you hate her. Why don't you cut me and her and everyone else some slack. We're all cutting you some." Kevin punctuated his sentences with an angry index finger. He walked over and picked up his guitar.

"She's worried about me?' Peter asked.

"Yeah. Do you think she's making you go to these meetings to punish you? No. She's trying to keep you from self-destructing and taking all of us down with you."

Peter sat down on his stool and stared at the basement wall for a minute. When he came back to himself, he looked each one of them in his eye. He took a deep breath.

"What are we doing first?" he asked quietly and grabbed his microphone.

***

Thursday night came again. Peter still hadn't spoken one word to Sarah. She waited in the hallway outside her door while he got dressed. Kevin stood next to her.

"He hasn't said anything to me at all." She whispered to Kevin.

"Don't worry, he'll come around," Kevin whispered back.

"He's talking to you guys, right?"

"Yeah," Kevin nodded.

"Well, then I won't worry about it, I guess." she whispered and shrugged her shoulders.

Peter came out of his room.

"I'll talk to you later," she said to Kevin and led Peter out to the truck.

Again, they drove to the church in silence.

"I'll be here when you get done," she said as she pulled into a parking space. Peter hopped out of the truck without a word. Sarah took out her journal and her flashlight and began writing.
A couple of hours later, Sarah saw everyone filing out of the church. She closed her journal, turned off the flashlight and looked for Peter. No Peter, but no Jason either. Maybe he's helping to put the chairs away, she thought.

Thirty minutes passed. The basement lights were still on and she hadn't seen anyone else leave. She had a sick feeling in her stomach. She got out of the car and practically ran to the church. She was reaching for the doorknob when the door opened, cracking her in the hand.

"Ow," she said.

"Oh, Sarah. I'm sorry. Are you OK?" Jason asked. Peter was right behind him.

"Yeah. Sorry, I was getting worried," she said.

"That's OK. We were just talking," Jason said and put his arms round her. He gave her a big hug. "Have a good one. I'll see you next week," He turned to Peter and held out his hand. "Peter. Take care." Peter shook his hand.

"You, too. Thanks." Peter said. Sarah had almost forgotten what his speaking voice sounded like. She looked at him, blinking for a moment. He looked like he had been crying. For the first time since the attack, he didn't turn away from her gaze.

"You ready?" she asked. He nodded.

They drove home in silence. It was an unusually warm evening, so Sarah had her window partially open. The night air smelled moist and muddy, like a spring evening should smell.

When they arrived home, Peter was out of the truck like a shot again. Sarah sighed and turned off the truck engine. She got out and closed the garage door. When she walked around the side of the garage, Peter was standing there, hands jammed into his pockets. Sarah felt her heart leap into her throat.

Sarah and Kevin 35

"Jimmy!" Sarah cried.

"Shut up. And let go of him. I won't touch him."

"Now who's lying?"

"I want to talk to you alone. Let's go." Jimmy said and stomped up the stairs.

Sarah turned her face and hid against Peter's chest. She felt his arms go around her and his head rest on top of hers. He took a deep breath. She gently pushed away from him and looked into his face. He looked down into her eyes for a moment. He looked beaten and tired. Then he turned his face away from her.

"I'll fix it. I'm sorry," she said and headed for the stairs.

Jimmy was leaning against the sink with his arms crossed when she stepped up into the kitchen. He shook his head.

"Jesus Christ, Sarah. Does the rest of you look like that?" he asked, pointing at her face.

"Not as bad as my face, no."

"And you didn't go to the hospital?"

"No. I was trying to prevent you and Mark from finding out. It didn't work." she admitted.

"I don't want a blow by blow, but I want to know what happened."

Sarah sat down in a chair and told him the story from the time Peter kissed her until she called him this morning.

"I want them out of here. Today."

"No. I told you, he's already gone to one meeting. If he stops going, then I'll have them escorted out. As long as he's trying, they stay. And you have to let them play at your bar. It's their biggest venue. If you want them out so bad, helping them will work faster than hindering them."

Jimmy looked at her open-mouthed. Then he shook his head, laughing grimly.

"You should have been a lawyer."

"So, can they play at your place?"

"Yeah. But if anything else happens to you, I won't worry about whether I dislocate your shoulder or not. Got it?"

"Got it."

"You're coming over next Sunday. I'll fill mom in so she won't freak out when she sees you."

"OK."

He left. Sarah waited until she heard his car pull out of the driveway before she went back downstairs.

She walked down the basement stairs and took a seat on one of them about halfway down where she could see them.

"It's OK. You aren't banned from Jimmy's bar or anything," she said.

Kevin let out a big sigh that was echoed by Scott and Tom. Peter sat on his stool with his back to her, silent.

"Peter, give me your shirt. I'll see if I can sew it." Peter stood up and took his shirt off. His muscles rippled as he pulled it over his head. He turned and handed it to Sarah. He did not meet her gaze. Sarah sighed and took it from him.

Kevin cleared his throat. "Jimmy dislocated your shoulder?"

Sarah smiled sadly at him. "Yeah. Jimmy is my cousin. After my folks died, I lived with him and my Aunt Jane.

"I was only 19 when David and I ran away and got married. When we got home from Las Vegas a week later, I honestly thought Jimmy was going to kill him. So, I protected him the only way I knew how, by making sure that I stayed between them. And what better way than to wrap my arms around David and hang on for dear life? Jimmy grabbed my arm and tried to pull me off David. He was so mad that he pulled too hard and he dislocated my shoulder. When he felt it pop and I screamed, that pretty much ended the fight. They worked together to get me to the emergency room. While I was being treated, they talked and then they were fine." Sarah laughed sadly, remembering the scene. She felt tears stinging her eyes.

"I'm going back upstairs, now. I'll see you guys tomorrow." She kept her gaze in her lap so they would not see her tears. She stood up and walked up the stairs.

Sarah and Kevin 34

Kevin sent a quick email.

"Hi Mom,
Just wanted to let you know that Peter's going to AA.
Love,
Kevin"

***

Sarah picked up the phone and dialed Jimmy's number. She listened to it ring.

"Hello?" Jimmy answered.

"Hi Jimmy. It's Sarah."

"Hey. What's wrong?" Jimmy's tone was worried.

"Nothing. I just wanted to let you know that I'm not coming over today."

"What's wrong?" he asked again.

"I'm just not feeling well..." Sarah jumped as Jimmy slammed the phone down on her. Oh, great. Now he's mad at me, too.

She sat down at her computer and worked on a short story she was writing. She was just beginning to commune with the muse when she heard a vehicle pull into the driveway. When she looked out the window, she saw Jimmy's pick up truck behind the garage.

"Oh my god," Sarah said aloud and rushed for the stairs.

When she reached the back door, Jimmy was storming up the sidewalk. Sarah ran out without a coat.

Jimmy's eyes widened when he saw her face.

"Je-sus Christ!" he bellowed.

"Jimmy, it's OK."

"Like hell it's OK!" Jimmy looked past her at the house. He moved her aside and marched to the door. Sarah stumbled behind him, shivering violently. He stomped into the kitchen.

"Tansara!" he roared.

"What?" came Peter's snotty reply from the basement.

Sarah was in the foyer. She ran downstairs ahead of Jimmy, jumping down the last three steps. Peter was standing in the middle of the basement floor. Kevin, Tom and Scott were standing by their instruments.

"What the hell?" Peter said as Sarah flew at him. She pushed him up against the basement wall. She wrapped her right arm around his waist and reached her left hand up behind his head. Peter's arms hung at his sides. She laid her head on his chest and watched Jimmy out of the corner of her eye. She heard Peter's heart pounding. The other members of MourningStar stood frozen in place.

"Sarah, let go of that son of a bitch!" Jimmy ordered.

"Jimmy, please, let me explain." Sarah said.

"Now!"

"No."

Jimmy grabbed Peter's shirt sleeves and tried to drag him away from the wall, but Sarah leaned into him so Jimmy couldn't move them. Sarah flinched as the fabric ripped. Peter's head was pushed back but Sarah's hand protected it from hitting the wall. She gasped a little as her knuckles scraped against the wall. Jimmy grabbed her right arm and tried to pull her off Peter.

"You'll dislocate my shoulder again!" she warned. Jimmy immediately released her.

Jimmy backhanded Peter across the face but also hit Sarah in the process. She cried out and held Peter tighter.

"Please stop," Sarah began to cry. "Please. Just let me tell you what happened."

"So you can lie to me some more?"

"I was just trying not to upset you. God damn it. Why is everyone pissed at me?" she wailed.

Peter sighed and tried to push her away.

"No." she said and looked up at him.

"You're in my way," Peter said, looking at Jimmy.

Kevin and Scott finally moved. They stepped in front of Jimmy.

"Come on, man." Scott said. "It's not as bad as it looks."

"Where the hell where you while she was being raped?" Jimmy shoved Scott's shoulder.

"Dragging him off her," Kevin answered.

"I wasn't raped."

"Liar." Jimmy snapped.

"Why doesn't anyone believe me? Don't you think I'd know?"

"I don't think you'd tell me if he had."

"Ugh. I should have just gone to the hospital. Then all you assholes would believe me."

"Well, did you or didn't you?" Jimmy screamed.

"I don't remember," Peter said quietly.

"How god damn drunk were you?"

"At least two bottles of Jack." Kevin said.

Jimmy took several deep breaths. "You will never sing at my bar again, you worthless piece of shit." Jimmy said.

Sarah and Kevin 33

April

Thursday evening, Sarah leaned against the door to her rooms with her arms folded around a notebook. Peter had just finished showering and was getting dressed in his bedroom. Kevin was leaning against the door next to her, their arms touching.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?" Kevin asked quietly.

She looked up at him. "Positive. I'll be OK."

Peter came out of the bedroom. He ignored both of them and walked into the kitchen. Sarah saw Keith staring daggers into Peter's back as he passed. She followed Peter with Kevin on her heels.

"Ready?" she asked. He didn't respond. He just waited by the back door.

"See you later," she said to Kevin.

"Be careful," he said.

She smiled at him and led Peter out to the garage. When they got in the truck, Peter turned his head and looked out the window. Sarah sighed and started the truck.

They drove into town in silence. Sarah was not going to try to keep up a one-sided conversation. She found a parking spot behind the church.

"We're early. Come on and I'll introduce you to Jason." Sarah said.

They entered the back door of the church and walked down to the basement.

A man with striking white hair was setting up chairs in a circle in the corner of the basement.

"Hi Jason," Sarah said.

"Sarah!" He came over and gave her a big hug. "It's good to see you." He smiled at her and made no indication that he noticed her battered face.

"You must be Peter," Jason said and held out his hand. Peter hesitated, then took Jason's hand.

"My name is Jason. Why don't you help me set up the rest of these chairs?"

Peter nodded briefly and set to work.

"Thank you" Sarah mouthed at Jason. He winked at her.

"I'll be out in the truck when you're done, Peter." she said. He didn't respond.

She sat in the truck. God, I can't believe how angry he is with me. A week ago, he did everything he could think of to get in bed with me and now he won't even talk to me. She turned on her flashlight, opened her journal and began writing.

Two hours later, Peter opened the passenger door and got in. He didn't speak, so Sarah remained silent and drove home.

Peter was out of the truck before she even stopped the engine. She sighed and slowly followed him into the house.

As she entered the door, she heard Peter singing with the band. She smiled. At least he's still singing, even if he isn't talking to me. She sat on the top step and listened to them play. They really are good, she thought. I hope buying them time gets them the break they need.

After a couple of songs, she went up to her rooms. Her phone was ringing. She rushed to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hi Sarah. It's Jason."

"Oh, hi. Thank you so much for not making a big deal about my face," she said.

"I'm used to not noticing things, but that's why I'm calling you. Did you go to the doctor?"

"No."

Jason sighed. "I knew it. Girl, you need to stop being so stubborn. You should have been x-rayed."

"And what? Have Mark over here arresting my musicians? As it was, he came over with a whole team the next day and now he's not talking to me."

Jason laughed. "I can just imagine how that went."

"It was bad. Not as bad as it could have been, but bad." She hesitated a moment. "I know you're not supposed to talk about it, but was he OK?"

She could almost hear Jason carefully choosing his words. "He's about like most of them who come against their will."

She exhaled. "OK. I won't ask you anything else. And don't worry about me. I'm pretty sure nothing's broken and I'm doing everything the doctor would tell me to do plus some things he wouldn't."

"Alright, Sarah. See you next week."

Sarah and Kevin 32

"OK you guys, dinner is ready." Kevin was already at the table. He watched as Scott and Tom came in.

"Where's Peter?" Kevin asked.

"He says he's not hungry."

Kevin looked at Sarah. Her hands were on her hips and her lips were pressed together. She sighed heavily, dropped her arms and went toward the bedrooms. Kevin waited for just a moment, then he followed her down the hallway. Scott and Tom were right behind him.

She had left the bedroom door slightly ajar. They could see Peter lying with his back to the door. Sarah sat down on the bed behind him.

"I need an answer from you, Peter." she said.

Peter rolled over so he was looking up at her. He reached up and touched her cheek. Kevin felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

"Sarah, I am so sorry," he said.

Sarah was silent for a moment. "Apology accepted. But I still need you to make a decision." Her voice was quiet and firm.

"I promise, this will never happen again." He ran his thumb gently over her swollen lips. Sarah quickly grabbed has hand and held it in both of hers.

"I'd like to believe you, but I don't think you have control over it, Peter. And I can't afford to take that chance," she said.

"So my apology and my word mean nothing?" Peter asked and pulled his hand away, turning to face the wall again.

"Peter, it's a yes or no question. Why are you making this so hard?"

"I don't need help. I can stay sober on my own."

"Maybe that's true. Maybe you just needed one more time to see how things go wrong when you drink. But maybe it's not true. We won't know until it happens again." Sarah sighed. "If you don't agree to go to AA every Thursday night from tomorrow until the day you guys leave here, you will be moving out first thing tomorrow morning." Sarah sounded like she was going to cry.

Kevin was barely breathing. "What's your decision?" she asked quietly.

"Fine. I'll go."

Kevin stopped breathing completely. His stomach knotted up and it was all he could do to stay in the hallway.

Sarah was silent for a moment. "You'll go where?" she asked.

"I'll go to the god damn meetings."

All of them exhaled at the same time. Sarah looked up and saw them. She frowned, but they could see the tears rolling down her cheeks. She brushed the tears away.

"Are you going to come and eat?" she asked.

"No."

"Do you want me to bring you a plate?"

Peter shook his head.

"OK" she patted his arm. He jerked it away from her. She stood up and came out into the hallway, closing the door behind her.

Scott put his arm around her shoulders. "You are god damn brilliant." he said quietly.

"He's not happy. At all."

"So what?" Kevin asked.

Sarah shrugged. "Anyway, the meetings are at 7:30 on Thursdays, so you'll need to keep those days open." she said. "I'll drive him to and from the church. He won't like that either, but I want to make sure that he goes."

Sarah and Kevin 31

"Sir. Wake up." Kevin heard a man's voice and felt a rough hand on his shoulder. He opened his eyes to see a cop standing over him. "I'll need you to put some pants on and come with me." He rolled over to see another cop at Tom's bedside rousing him.

Kevin got up, put on his glasses and pulled on his jeans. Sarah must have changed her mind, he thought. He walked into the kitchen in silence with the policeman in tow.
Four of the kitchen chairs were lined up along the counter.

"Have a seat."

Kevin chose one of the chairs. That's when he saw Mark standing in the doorway. Hate was written in big, black letters across his face. Kevin looked away as Peter, Scott and Tom all filed silently into the kitchen, police escorts behind them. They each took a seat. One of the officers took Mark's place by the door as he stepped into the middle of the room.

"Alright. Where is she?" Mark roared.

"What do you mean?" Kevin asked. "Isn't she upstairs?"

"You tell me. The door is locked. And I've been trying to call her since yesterday afternoon." he said. "Which two of you were buying the pineapple juice yesterday?" Kevin and Tom raised their hands.

"Why?"

"Sarah asked us to." Kevin said. "What does that have to do with her not answering your calls?" Kevin asked.

"She reads all that natural healing crap. She thinks pineapple juice is good for bruises. All six cans can't be for you, you freak." Mark pointed angrily at Peter.

The back door opened. The policemen all whirled toward the door and put their hands on their guns. The cop by the door stepped aside to allow Sarah to come into the kitchen. Her hair was up like normal, and the swelling was down, but the bruises were brutally purple.

"What's going on here?" Sarah asked. She just sounded tired.

Mark's eyes widened. He stepped over to her and grabbed her shoulders. "Jesus Christ, Sarah." She grimaced and he let her go.

"Stand up, turn around and put your hands on your heads. Now!" Mark bellowed. The other policemen began reaching for their handcuffs.

"Hold on! Mark, send the rest of them outside. This isn't what it looks like. Please."

"Like hell it's not. Are you going to try to tell me you fell down the stairs?"

"Yes."

"Bullshit. And what about him?" Mark asked, pointing to Peter.

She shrugged. "They're a bunch of hotheads. It's not my job to stop them from fighting with each other."

"Fine. Let's go to the hospital and have a rape kit done, then." Mark said and took her arm.

"Ow. Will you please stop grabbing me?" she asked as she pulled away. "A rape kit won't show you anything and I don't want to go to the hospital. And if you take them to jail, I'll just come and bail them out anyway. I won't press charges and if you do, I'll pay for their lawyer. You will accomplish nothing except to cause me more trouble. Is that what you want?"

Mark stared at her in silence for a few moments. He jerked his head toward the door and the other four policemen left. He turned to Sarah, angry.

"I've been trying to call you since yesterday afternoon." he snapped.

"I know." Sarah said, her voice rising. "Did it ever occur to you that I didn't want to talk to you?"

"No shit. And where do you get off, lying to me? That's not from falling down the stairs and you know it. And this," He took her arm again, but more gently this time. "hurts because you're bruised here, too. A rape kit might not show any semen, but I'll bet you have finger marks on your thighs."

Sarah covered her eyes with her hand. "Look. Just leave me alone. I've got this under control and I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP!" She uncovered her eyes and poked him in the chest as she yelled the last four words.

"If that's how you want it, fine." He growled and looked at Peter who turned his face away. "Next time maybe you'll get real lucky and they'll all take turns with you. Don't bother calling me, just open your legs so they won't beat you to death." He turned on his heel and stalked out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

Sarah stood, both hands balled into angry fists, staring at the back door until they heard all three police cars drive away. She took a deep breath and turned around.

"I'm sorry. Are you guys OK?"

They answered in the affirmative and got up and returned their chairs to the table. Peter, Tom and Scott left the kitchen. Sarah began pulling ingredients and bowls from the cabinets. She quickly washed out the coffee pot and started some coffee. Kevin, still shirtless, seated himself at the table and watched her work.

"Aren't you going to go back to bed?" Sarah asked.

"No." Kevin said. He watched in silence as she mixed up the muffins and popped them into the oven. She ran water into the sink to wash the dishes from the previous day. Kevin stood up and grabbed a dish towel from the drawer.

When the timer went off for the muffins, Sarah pulled them out and dumped them into a cloth-lined basket. She returned to washing the dishes.

When they were finished, she looked up at him for a moment. Taking a deep breath, she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him, hiding her face in his chest. He held her tight, willing her pain away.

She pulled away from him. "Thanks for all your help."

"Sure." he said.

She grabbed a muffin from the basket and returned to her rooms.

Sarah and Kevin 30

It was after dark when Kevin walked into Peter and Scott's room and picked up the cordless phone. He didn't even look at Peter, much less talk to him. Taking it into his room, he closed the door and laid back down on the bed. He took a couple deep breaths and dialed his Mom's number.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Mom." His voice cracked.

"Kevin, what's wrong?"

"Mom" Another deep breath. "I think Peter raped Sarah this morning."

"Oh, no! Is she alright?"

"She looks like hell. And she says he didn't rape her, but Peter doesn't remember anything about it. I think she just told us that so we wouldn't take her to the hospital."

"Honey, don't assume she's lying. It's not fair to her and she's had enough trouble for one day."

Kevin sighed.

"You really care about her, don't you, Kev."

"Yeah," he cried.

"Oh, honey. I'm so sorry."

Kevin rolled onto his side and cried into his pillow. It took him several minutes to regain his composure.

"Sorry, Mom."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. So what happens now?"

"She told him that if he doesn't go to AA meetings, we all have to leave."

"Good."

"No. He hasn't agreed to go. She gave him 'til tomorrow night to decide. I swear to god, I want to kill him."

"If she's willing to give him a chance after what he did to her, rape or no, then you should do the same."

"I guess so." Kevin sighed again. "I don't know how to help her."

"All you can do is be there for her if she wants you. It's not just her body that's bruised and it may take a long time to heal the hurts you can't see, ya know?"

"OK. I'll let you know what happens."

"Alright, hon. I love you."

"I love you, too."

Sometime after midnight, Kevin took off his clothes and went to bed. He was looking forward to sleep because he didn't want to think about anything anymore. His head and heart hurt and he wanted a break from both of them.

Sarah and Kevin 29

Kevin stared after Peter. He couldn't believe what was happening. Peter, he knew, loved to sing. He didn't just enjoy it, he loved it. When Peter sang, people stopped to listen. And yet he's willing to throw it all away because he's too stubborn to go to AA meetings. Kevin shook his head and went downstairs.

There were two old chairs and a beat up sofa near the bathroom. Kevin grabbed an acoustic guitar and walked over to one of the chairs. It was an old swivel rocker. It was soft and comfortable and allowed you to lean way back in it. Kevin lay back in the chair, staring at the ceiling, holding the guitar.

Kevin heard footsteps coming down the stairs. Tom flopped down on the sofa.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey."

Several minutes passed in silence.

"This is like a nightmare," Kevin said.

"At least she's OK," Tom said.

Kevin sighed. "If you can call that mess OK, I guess that's true."

"Yeah," Tom agreed. "You wanna go into town?"

"Yeah. You coming with?" Kevin asked and turned to look at him.

Tom nodded.

They got up. Kevin returned the guitar to it's stand and they went out to the van. There were two empty bottles of Jack Daniels on the floor. Disgusted, Kevin threw them in to the garbage cans on the side of the garage. They checked under all the seats and made sure there were no other open alcohol containers in the van before they left.

They drove into town in silence. Kevin pulled the van into a parking space at the grocery store and they got out.

They quickly found the six cans of pineapple juice and brought them to the check out counter.
The cashier was a short, fat woman with red hair. She looked at them over the top of her glasses.

"Hey, aren't you the boys living at Sarah's place?"

"Yes, ma'am." Kevin said.

"How is that working out for you? Are you getting work again?"

"Yes, ma'am." Kevin just wanted her to shut up and ring up their juice.

"Six cans of pineapple juice!"

"Sarah asked for it." Kevin responded.

"Well, what's she going to do? Bathe in it?" She laughed at her own joke. Kevin smiled politely.

Finally, she gave him the total. Kevin handed her the money. "You tell Sarah that Sharon said 'hi', OK?

"Sure." Kevin said. Tom took one bag and Kevin took the other.

"She was obnoxious." Kevin said after they got back into the van. "Do you get the feeling that the whole town will know we bought six cans of pineapple juice before the end of the day?

"Yeah." Tom laughed.

When they arrived at the house, Kevin put two of the cans in the fridge. Then he went over to Sarah's door and knocked. He heard her footsteps coming down the stairs. She opened the door for him.

"Hey," Kevin said. "I brought your pineapple juice."

"Thanks," she said and took the bag from him.

"Sharon said to tell you 'hi'," he said quietly.

"Oh."

"Do you need anything?" he asked. Sarah, let me be with you, please.

She looked into his eyes for a moment before shaking her head.

"Can you close the door for me?"

He nodded and pushed the door closed. He heard her lock it and the sound of her footsteps retreating up the stairs. He sighed and leaned his forehead against the door for a moment. Then he walked into his bedroom and laid down on his bed and stared up at the ceiling.

Sarah and Kevin 28

She stood leaning against the door jamb, arms crossed, hair down and looking like she just ran her fingers through it. Peter's eyes widened when he saw her face. Her lips were swollen to double their normal size. Her right eye was black and her right cheek was purple on the cheekbone and on her jaw. There was a bruise on her left cheek as well.

"I'd show you the rest of your handiwork, but you've already seen more of me than I ever wanted." she snarled. :"Anyway, I'm glad you're all here so I won't have to repeat myself.

"I've spent the morning thinking. I figured I only had two choices, evict you all immediately or pretend it didn't happen and hope it never happens again." She went to the freezer and swapped her warm ice pack for a frozen one. "But then I realized that I had a third option. So I made a couple of phone calls and this is what I've decided." She walked over and stood right in front of Peter. Her hands were shaking.

"There's an AA meeting in town every Thursday night. It's at the Presbyterian Church and I'm friends with the guy that runs it." She poked Peter's chest with her index finger. "You will be attending those meetings, Mr. Tansara. I will drive you myself. And don't think you can sneak out the back door, because Jason will tell me if you don't show up. You miss one meeting and everyone gets escorted off the property.

"Have I made myself clear?" She looked up at all of them. They nodded. She looked down at Peter. He wasn't looking at her. She put her face right in front of his.

"Are you with me?" she asked through gritted teeth. He closed his eyes. She did not move. "You've got until suppertime tomorrow to make your decision.

She gently took his chin and turned his bruised cheek toward her. She sighed, stood up and pulled some money from her pocket. She handed it to Kevin.

"When you get a chance, go into town and pick up six of those big cans of pineapple juice, please. Make sure he drinks two of them and give the other four to me." Kevin nodded. "I'm going upstairs. You guys will have to cook for yourselves tonight. I'll get back on schedule tomorrow, OK?" Her voice cracked and a tear rolled down her cheek. She turned and walked quickly to her door, leaving them stunned and silent in the kitchen.

"Did I rape her?" Peter asked without opening his eyes.

"She says no." Kevin answered.

Peter took a deep breath and slumped down in the chair, covering his face with his hand.

"What are you gonna do, Tansara?" Kevin asked.

"I don't know."

"What?" they asked in unison.

"I don't need no 12-step program." Peter said.

"You're kidding right? You saw what you did to her. And you may have raped her, too. We'll never know for sure because you don't remember and she could be lying. How can you say you don't need help?" Kevin was yelling again.

"The survival of the band depends on you going to AA, Peter." Scott said.

"I've got until tomorrow night to decide. Leave me alone." he cried and grabbing a couple more apples, he went back to his room.